Why do I care what other people think!

Another Debut

I have added another illustrious first to my already long list. My first kick out from a class in IIT. "Get out of my class, I only want serious students in my class". I am a serious student Mam. I was just reading a book sitting on the last bench. I should have seen her coming. But I did not . The geeky me tried to apologize so that I could stay in class , but something took over. I did not want to stay. There was nothing I was going to learn in that class anyways the ways things were going.
The timing of the event is perfect in the scheme of things that are developing in my life. Just before the class one of my friends was asking why do I attend the classes if I only plan to read something else during the class. I have no answers to that except a perfect conditioning which used to prevent me from doing that. And this when I promised myself I would not go out of the way to sc**w myself academically. The desires and wishes conflicting each other. I have another class at 6. I do not know what I plan to do in that. Hopefully I do not get into a streak.
Somehow I do not feel like reading the tech books since I have been in IIT. There is something in the air in the campus that prevents from doing that. I had realized during the last four months that I even enjoy reading the technical books, but IIT seems to take it out of me. I can not read something just because some body is going to test me something on some section from the same book. The system only encourages the feeling of trying to get grades, not the feeling of trying to learn. May be the sytem does encourage learning but the message seems to be getting distorted now a days as it enters my ears.
One word seems to symbolize me now a days "conflict". For every thought I have, I also have another which negates / contradicts it. May the force be with me to resolve it.
On another front, I am looking forward to becoming a more serious student and hence planning to get improved arsenal at the World Book Fair this weekend. Watch out Neuro Computing, I will be back .

posted by inhas @ 1:02 PM