Why do I care what other people think!

Weirdos from another planet!

Today I was reminded of one of the greatest Indian qualities that foreigners often complain about. Indians (and that also includes me) possess this powerful stare which if you are not used to can get you unnerved. Actually even yesterday I told off one of compu waalas in the most rude fashion possible "Mind your own business!" . Frankly I do not give a damn what I have to do keep others noses out of my business. Today my sister and I were the object of public stare at the World Book Fair. This is one of the things I detest about Delhi. People here have this businessman mentality of that a book becomes useless after one read and that money is better invested some where like getting a video game which can be played over and over again. Actually north Indians in general would rather spend money on food and clothes than on books. I would rather spend money on books and food than on clothes. The thing is I believe most of the people see going to book fair as going out for just another outing. The experience is totally different I believe if you have a plan to actually buy atleast one book if you are going.

We have always bought books and is one of the things that has been encouraged by my father since we were little. So there we were, carrying 6 bags full of books between us while families of 8 -10 people were coming out of halls empty handed and giving us the stare. Frankly I really enjoyed it. We were the weirdos who carried "WOW, look at the that"number of books. I sometimes think if I would have a lot of money one day , then the time spent in book shops would not be so fun as it is now. How I love the smell of books, the smell of the freshly printed paper. Put a constraint of money on top of that. So you sit inside the shop for hours trying to find out books from the clutter that would be actually worth the money at that moment. What saddens me is the way most of the people run their bookshops and were running the stalls today. I have on two occasions found books which the shopowner had themselves claimed that they did not possess. Lucky me, I can do magic. I wish for book stores where the person knew where all the books were kept, he knew what the books were about. I met one such people today and that person really made me happy. I have also been to one such shop in CP (people tree) where the old man looks wizened and totally aware of the books he possesses. One of my wishes in life, is to open a small bookshop one day. I got really happy when I saw two sisters looking through books , trying to find the perfect one and finally deciding to put off the book for next year as it did not fit into the budget. They said to each other that they would get it next year. Oh the simpicity of childhood where you could plan ahead for a year and then also go onto execute it properly. Children give me hope, they also give me strength but my heart pains when I see 5 year olds trying to catch a running bus to get back home without having a single pence in their pocket.
Life goes on, life tries to balance it self between hope and despair, between happiness and sadness, between moments of sheer brilliance and moments of absolute dumbness. Life is a great leveller. Currently I am trying to find the fulcrum point to stabilize mine

posted by inhas @ 3:27 PM 1 comments

Long lost feeling!

Long long time ago, I used to have this feeling inside in my body that I was pretty sure of what I was doing. But I do not remember exactly when that feeling started fading away from my system. I have accidentally or delibrately, I donot know which one, created a scenario which has forced me to admit the existence of the feeling which was right in front of me, screaming to be answered, to be taken care of and I had tried with atmost sincerity to deny it. Others suffered from it, not I, was my reply. But I do suffer from it , atleast at some levels.
It is so simple that it explains most of the things in my life at this stage. Occam's razor does work. But I am not able to explain when the transformation happened. I am still looking for an answer, most probably I have the answer some where inside me, what I am looking for is words to put it in.

posted by inhas @ 10:55 PM 2 comments

Another Debut

I have added another illustrious first to my already long list. My first kick out from a class in IIT. "Get out of my class, I only want serious students in my class". I am a serious student Mam. I was just reading a book sitting on the last bench. I should have seen her coming. But I did not . The geeky me tried to apologize so that I could stay in class , but something took over. I did not want to stay. There was nothing I was going to learn in that class anyways the ways things were going.
The timing of the event is perfect in the scheme of things that are developing in my life. Just before the class one of my friends was asking why do I attend the classes if I only plan to read something else during the class. I have no answers to that except a perfect conditioning which used to prevent me from doing that. And this when I promised myself I would not go out of the way to sc**w myself academically. The desires and wishes conflicting each other. I have another class at 6. I do not know what I plan to do in that. Hopefully I do not get into a streak.
Somehow I do not feel like reading the tech books since I have been in IIT. There is something in the air in the campus that prevents from doing that. I had realized during the last four months that I even enjoy reading the technical books, but IIT seems to take it out of me. I can not read something just because some body is going to test me something on some section from the same book. The system only encourages the feeling of trying to get grades, not the feeling of trying to learn. May be the sytem does encourage learning but the message seems to be getting distorted now a days as it enters my ears.
One word seems to symbolize me now a days "conflict". For every thought I have, I also have another which negates / contradicts it. May the force be with me to resolve it.
On another front, I am looking forward to becoming a more serious student and hence planning to get improved arsenal at the World Book Fair this weekend. Watch out Neuro Computing, I will be back .

posted by inhas @ 1:02 PM 1 comments