Born Yesterday!
Everywhere we go, we leave imprints of what is special inside us. We are always judged and we always judge people's attitude in one field by seeing what their attitude is in other fields. Sometimes the judgement may go wrong, but most of the time it comes nearly right. And Last night when I entered my room, it suddenly stuck me why that could be true.
The state of things going on in my life can be judged from the scene in my room. When my life is running smoothly, my room is pretty clean and everything is in order . I know where I can find everything I possess just like I know what is going on in every phase of my life. The state of my room is a good model to represent the dynamic nature of things going on in my life. The room starts out as clean after a break(when I think i have thought out what am I going to do) and slowly things start getting cluttered but still I wait. I wait till things start getting out of hand when it takes turning the whole room upside down to find something. So are things in my life, something goes a little out of way, I let it drift for longer than i should and then it takes a huge effort to get things in better also requiring a lot of luck in steering a car with not a good skid control mechanism. I have a friend who's room is clean and ordered despite a large multitude of things in his life and that is how he is in real life too, ordered and well balanced in all things. Another of my close friends has a room which has only the simple necessities and no frills (not even a computer) and so his attitude in life of enjoying simple things.
Now once in a while things start going out of hand and I realize that I can not do anything productive in the state my room is and then I decide to spend some time cleaning it up and putting things back in order. NOW How I wish the analogy was bidirectional i.e.
Putting my room in order would put the things going in my life in order?
Of hopes and sufferings
At some levels, all of us suffer from some fears and anxieties which are not called for. Some how, I do not want to elaborate on the process right now, through small actions of ours these fears begin to grow and in our thoughts they become the size of monsters. We think some magical act or divine intervention must happen so that these anxieties go away from our lives forever. All of us know that magic can not make a thing vanish into thin air which is already a wisp of smoke.
The power to remove all our fears rests with us. At times we may need a helping hand to point us to the right path, at times we may need to live through the anxiety to realize that it is heedingly pointless. Problems may exist, solutions may not seem obvious but it is only when we start suffering from these fears that we begin to lose the battle in the game of life.
Here is an excerpt from a children's book, which filled me with hope. May be this is why children do not suffer from pointless fears and anxieties.
There is a sign in a shop window in the small town where she lives that reads, ‘DO YOU SUFFER FROM FRECKLES?’ Pippi doesn’t. She isn’t interested in the anti-freckle cream on offer but nevertheless goes into the shop to makes her position clear. “No, I don’t suffer from freckles,” she declares. “But my dear child,” says the startled assistant, “your whole face is covered in them.” “I know,” says Pippi, “but I don’t suffer from them. I like them. Good morning!”
When things do not go how you planned, Adapt
I do not remember when the spark turned into a fire. I do not even remember which combination of events and my state created the spark. I do not remember how i was, though in moments of tranquility and of utmost peace of soul I see myself, the present, and I have a hazy vision of what is in store for the future. This fire burning inside me seems eternal to me as of now. I get scared of it sometimes. I am afraid that this fire may engulf me and lot of people with me if it gets out of hand . Yet sometimes I feel lucky to feel the warmth it gives off .
The fire will not engulf me , I have a feeling that whispers to my heart. I am not alone in my battle, I feel sometimes a Hand is guiding me, watching over me, sitting quite intently and observing me, even smiling when I make some mistakes, getting angry when i repeat them often, yet not stopping me from experiencing what I should and I know it would be there to stop me if I tried to go beyond a certain limit. Sometimes I wonder, who is guiding the Hand that is guiding me. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the feeling that there is a Hand at all and I think how lucky I am to have it and what did I do to deserve it. One day I am sure that Hand will leave me to move on my own, when it knows that I can find my own path. May be , I would even meet somebody and he/she would think that I was sent by his Hand to guide him/her. The cycle of life would continue. We would wake up, eat, work , sleep. But it is only when one hand extends to the other and in the rare moment they finally shake, time stops itself to applaud the magic of the hand trick.
